Long entry is looooooong
3 October 2008 10:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fencer_xI've got some stuff I've been wanting to say for a while, so...I've written it out. In a really REALLY long post. Fandom's really been getting me down lately.
I said TxN fandom in the cut text, but this applies to the Eiji/Daiki fandom to some extent, too (HAHA it's funny cause I implied that it had a fandom), but I'm mostly going to be talking about TxN, so just a heads up.
Lately I've felt...like fandom is dying--which is absurd,![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
tutixnagayan has nearly 800 members and is still growing, we had a TON of entries for fic-for-a-pic which may have drawn out new authors, and our fandom will never die or end (well, it will literally DIE someday XD and I expect most people would leave if one or the other got married) because each new day brings new possibilities and new opportunities to get excited. TxN fandom has been around for something like 5 years now, and is still going reasonably strong.
But I look at this fandom, my main fandom, the fandom that brought me to Japan, if I were to be completely honest, and I'm disappointed. 90% of the posts are by the same few people, new members feel shy or scared to post (WHY?! I seriously do not understand why an open, fun community liketutixnagayan would be too intimidating to at least introduce yourself to!) and resort to treating the "BNFs" like gods almost (which frankly? Creeps me the hell out. Stop it), and nothing FUN ever happens anymore.
I remember back in our heyday when everyone used to post meta or fics or fanart or crack conversations they'd had on IM, people posted screencaps and translations and introduced themselves left and right, everyone wanted to know how people got into fandom, what their favorite moment was between the two, etc. It used to be a FUN place to be, and now it's just...died. If you're on my friends list reading this, and are a lurking member oftutixnagayan, I encourage you to do SOMETHING to get more involved in fandom if you feel like this is one of your major ones.
Because I seriously cannot understand people who do not want to get involved in fandom somehow if they feel it is a big enough deal to me. I have PLENTY of fandoms (some with ships I really like) that I like, but don't really fangirl actively. Currently, I don't write or draw or do anything to contribute to any other fandoms outside of *pnish*/Myu stuff, but I still like them, and I suspect a lot of people are that way for TxN. But for those of you who do consider this fandom important to you, I don't know how you could possibly NOT want to get more involved. I have to hold myself back somedays from writing meta or posting something because it will be my 5, 6, 7, 8th post in a row on a community just because no one else wants to get involved.
Get inspired by the guys: RP, write fanfic, draw fanart, make a video, take screencaps and write funny captions, anything! Or write meta, ask questions ("When did Nagayan and Tuti really start hanging out together outside of TeniMyu?") and generate discussion, or just tell us why you love the guys and what you feel about their relationship.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER POINT.
Lately...I've been observing a ton of different sides to the way people feel about this fandom. And I don't know that I like any of them (I don't disrespect them, and I understand them, but I just don't like them). If you feel like I'm referring to you, it's only possibly because something you said reminded me of something I've been feeling for a while--because I feel like this post has been a long time coming, and the entire purpose is to give me a place to vent (my own LJ, yay!) and try and make some sense of it all by writing it out.
1) I just...don't get people who have crack OTPs. ESPECIALLY crack RPS OTPs. You do understand what an OTP is? "One true pairing." A pairing you support so much, are so into, are so thrilled to see together in roughly any context, that it is almost painful to see them in ANY other pairing without just cause (and even then, you won't be too happy). That, to me, says crack OTPs by definition are illogical. I'm not saying you can't have them--I'm saying when I see people espousing X/Y as their crack OTP, a little bit inside of me shakes its head in confusion. I have relatively few OTPSs (and I challenge you to name them if you think you know me ^_~), mostly because I have relatively few fandoms I'm seriously involved in or seriously interested in really.
The crack RPS OTP, though, is a different breed entirely. RPS to me is a very, very delicate beast to tame. Say RPS to nearly any fandomer familiar with the term, and I can almost guarantee they will either look at you like you're a delusional freak, or raise an eyebrow and back away very slowly. It squicks a lot of people--the idea of seeing two celebrities (...or your best friends, as I've known some people to do o_O whaaaat) and mistaking their reasonable closeness with, "OMG THEY MUST BE FUCKING HAHAHAAAA" is...well, weird.
I get around it because to me, it isn't slash. I do not seriously RPS anyone outside of Tuti/Nagayan and Eiji/Daiki. Period. There are a few pairings I look at and think, "Well I think they could be cute together if anything ever happened," or, "Something seemed like it was happening before, but...not so much now. Don't have any interest," and that's it.
But for these two pairings it is a completely different matter: it's not RPS. Not to me. It's just looking at these men who are very, very close over a long period of time, noticing their quirks and habits that you're only privy to because they're not super famous, and realizing that there's a pattern to this, a familiar one, that says they care about each other--or are infatuated, or have big heaping mancrushes--and that, to me, is all it is. My view of where I stand in this fandom is based entirely on: I am simply observing a real life relationship between two guys. Who happen to be smalltime actors in a city with a population of nearly 13,000,000 people (and come on, they're theatre guys--when you think about it, it's not like it'd be unprecedented).
I'm not slashing. I don't look for magazine articles and "squee" when I see someone's hand on someone else's shoulder. I don't pee my pants because X said, "Y's such a great actor." Being here in this country, in this city, being able to see these men interact in real life on and away from the stage, it's a completely different experience (especially the "away from the stage" thing). I simply stumbled across these men who happen to be involved with one another in some form or another, and after years of observing, I gotta say it's only getting harder for me to deny it. Or understand how others can't see it.
2) Others I've seen have just...fallen out of love with fandom. Whether you used to be really, heavily involved, or you were a big presence in fandom in one respect or another, I've seen so many of my friends in these fandoms just completely disappear or move on. I'm biased, I know: I'm too close to understand how anyone could get OUT of this fandom, when I am daily sucked in even further.
But do you have any idea how lonely it is being a fandom of one? Or ten? (well, many of you understand that feeling, I'm sure :P) It sucks. And even more so, it sucks putting in your all into a fandom when nothing ever comes back from it, no one ever responds to your contributions, or cares, or the response you get is a negative one. Seeing people falling out of love with a fandom I am still putting my entire self into 120% is possibly one of the most depressing things I've ever experienced (stfu, I've had a good life...).
I know real life comes first, I know sometimes school or a job hunt gets the better of us, and before we know it it's been 3 months since we last posted. For others, the spark that intrigued us about a fandom dies: some people only saw and cared about Tuti/Nagayan as the Golden Pair (which is a horrible shame, IMHO--those are the RPSers who squick me; the ones who can only see the actors for their characters), some people don't have the time or energy to follow them outside of their big productions like BuriMyu, so with that over they're pretty much done.
For me, fandom's my life right now. I came to Japan to see these guys perform in person, to be able to interact with them to some extent, to get more involved in this theatre scene because I really, honestly enjoy it. I love all these guys completely apart from any shipping tendencies I may have. I would love *pnish* just as much even if I wasn't completely bowled over by Eiji's and Daiki's incessant flirting or wish to kidnap Tuti and make him my English student (Wasshi, I love you too!). I cannot think of anywhere else I'd rather be right now than gearing up to go to another show or event or drop by Gain or go to a street live or sing myu songs at karaoke with my friends. Fandom and real life have fused perfectly for me right now, and I'm really happy with the way my life's going.
Yet all around me I see people get bored with fandom, get squicked by fandom after seeing the guys in person (which baffles me--unless you've been looking in the wrong places this entire time, this particular fandom has only gotten more and more obvious as the days go on. HappyPani, hello?), or just get disconnected for one reason or another and never bother coming back. And I miss each and every one of you who do that, but feel tired of trying to get people re-interested in this fandom.
I miss the days from only a couple of years ago when we'd spend hours in Lube Chat (with the old standbys too, not the "New Lube Chat"--even though that's of course fun ^_~) talking about anything and everything fandom related, having the most awesome time while everyone was at work or home or putting off going to bed or just waking up in the morning.
I've given this fandom my all for years now, translating and seeking out information and reports, writing long meta posts and reports that no one really seems to care about save the same few people every time.pnish is all but dead; the only people who post there now are people wanting to know where to download stuff or people wanting to sell stuff. morixdaiki is never going to take off, because if people haven't gotten into it now with everything I and others have done for this ship, they aren't going to (which pisses me off--sometimes I feel like TxN is Silver Pair and Eiji/Daiki is Golden Pair; I love both, but all the love and attention the former gets while the latter gets shafted sometimes makes me hate it almost).
Yet still I sit here thinking, "Well I could do X or Y and THAT would get people interested!" Usually something along the lines of translating/subbing shows. Logic tells me that more people would be into *pnish* if they knew what they were saying--people are into TeniMyu in large part because they know TeniPuri already and there's very little confusion as to what's going on (also: hot young men). *pnish* stuff is all original and no one knows what's going on unless I write up one of my ASS LONG REPORTS on it. And even then, no one can REALLY care about it until they SEE it. If stuff were subbed, people might express more interest at least in the group. I dunno.
This rant's gotten really long, and I'm going to bet most people won't make it all the way down here; I just needed some time to get this out of my system. It'll probably be ignored to some extent, in which case nothing will be solved and in another few months I'll probably make another one of these. Whatever. At least I feel somewhat better now.
If it wasn't entirely obvious from that sticky post at the top of my LJ, I live in Japan, I go to *pnish* and Nagayan-related shows, and I am quite a vocal shipper of...certain ships.
Should you spend any amount of time with me online, this will be quite obvious. However, I am more than aware that it's not everyone's cup of tea, and I am most definitely not about to "push it" on anyone not open to it.
You want to talk about TeniPuri? Excellent, let's rant and rave ♥
You want to talk about TeniMyu? Awesome, just know I luuuuuv me some first cast and am not afraid to show it :D
You want to talk about BuriMyu? Sweet, it's been one of the most fun shows I've seen this whole time--but be aware that I don't like Bleach XD Like, at all XDDDDD
You want to talk about *pnish*? Cool beans! I am always glad to point people in the right direction for blogs and tickets, and even more thrilled to talk about the guys and their shows, give you a rundown on what makes them tick, talk about their relationships with each other and who met whom where and when (that's not stalking, that's being well-informed! :P), I know *pnish*, as well as it's possible for someone from another country not friends with them to know them :D
You don't want to talk about shipping though? Great. We don't have to. We don't have to mention a word, we can talk about any of the above topics or anything else not RPS-related whatsoever.
I will absolutely not push my beliefs on anyone--whether it's shipping or proselytizing or anything; I believe more in a "teach by showing" methodology anyways. So just to get it out of the way: yes. I'm one of those fans. But I'm not going to sit you down and go, "omg look how they're staring at each other here" in the middle of an otherwise enjoyable conversation.
Now, if you WANT to be "preached" to, I'm of course more than happy to oblige in what I hope would be an acceptable fashion :D And if we go to a *pnish* event together, you may have to ignore my occasional snickering or lip-biting-to-avoid-making-a-scene (I KID. Mostly), but seriously, I'm a *pnish* and Nagayan fan first, a shipper second (CLOSE SECOND, but second), and I love all these guys for themselves and their craft far more than for any relationships they may have with one another.
Just wanted to make that clear.
I said TxN fandom in the cut text, but this applies to the Eiji/Daiki fandom to some extent, too (HAHA it's funny cause I implied that it had a fandom), but I'm mostly going to be talking about TxN, so just a heads up.
Lately I've felt...like fandom is dying--which is absurd,
tutixnagayan has nearly 800 members and is still growing, we had a TON of entries for fic-for-a-pic which may have drawn out new authors, and our fandom will never die or end (well, it will literally DIE someday XD and I expect most people would leave if one or the other got married) because each new day brings new possibilities and new opportunities to get excited. TxN fandom has been around for something like 5 years now, and is still going reasonably strong.But I look at this fandom, my main fandom, the fandom that brought me to Japan, if I were to be completely honest, and I'm disappointed. 90% of the posts are by the same few people, new members feel shy or scared to post (WHY?! I seriously do not understand why an open, fun community like
tutixnagayan would be too intimidating to at least introduce yourself to!) and resort to treating the "BNFs" like gods almost (which frankly? Creeps me the hell out. Stop it), and nothing FUN ever happens anymore.I remember back in our heyday when everyone used to post meta or fics or fanart or crack conversations they'd had on IM, people posted screencaps and translations and introduced themselves left and right, everyone wanted to know how people got into fandom, what their favorite moment was between the two, etc. It used to be a FUN place to be, and now it's just...died. If you're on my friends list reading this, and are a lurking member of
tutixnagayan, I encourage you to do SOMETHING to get more involved in fandom if you feel like this is one of your major ones.Because I seriously cannot understand people who do not want to get involved in fandom somehow if they feel it is a big enough deal to me. I have PLENTY of fandoms (some with ships I really like) that I like, but don't really fangirl actively. Currently, I don't write or draw or do anything to contribute to any other fandoms outside of *pnish*/Myu stuff, but I still like them, and I suspect a lot of people are that way for TxN. But for those of you who do consider this fandom important to you, I don't know how you could possibly NOT want to get more involved. I have to hold myself back somedays from writing meta or posting something because it will be my 5, 6, 7, 8th post in a row on a community just because no one else wants to get involved.
Get inspired by the guys: RP, write fanfic, draw fanart, make a video, take screencaps and write funny captions, anything! Or write meta, ask questions ("When did Nagayan and Tuti really start hanging out together outside of TeniMyu?") and generate discussion, or just tell us why you love the guys and what you feel about their relationship.
WHICH BRINGS ME TO ANOTHER POINT.
Lately...I've been observing a ton of different sides to the way people feel about this fandom. And I don't know that I like any of them (I don't disrespect them, and I understand them, but I just don't like them). If you feel like I'm referring to you, it's only possibly because something you said reminded me of something I've been feeling for a while--because I feel like this post has been a long time coming, and the entire purpose is to give me a place to vent (my own LJ, yay!) and try and make some sense of it all by writing it out.
1) I just...don't get people who have crack OTPs. ESPECIALLY crack RPS OTPs. You do understand what an OTP is? "One true pairing." A pairing you support so much, are so into, are so thrilled to see together in roughly any context, that it is almost painful to see them in ANY other pairing without just cause (and even then, you won't be too happy). That, to me, says crack OTPs by definition are illogical. I'm not saying you can't have them--I'm saying when I see people espousing X/Y as their crack OTP, a little bit inside of me shakes its head in confusion. I have relatively few OTPSs (and I challenge you to name them if you think you know me ^_~), mostly because I have relatively few fandoms I'm seriously involved in or seriously interested in really.
The crack RPS OTP, though, is a different breed entirely. RPS to me is a very, very delicate beast to tame. Say RPS to nearly any fandomer familiar with the term, and I can almost guarantee they will either look at you like you're a delusional freak, or raise an eyebrow and back away very slowly. It squicks a lot of people--the idea of seeing two celebrities (...or your best friends, as I've known some people to do o_O whaaaat) and mistaking their reasonable closeness with, "OMG THEY MUST BE FUCKING HAHAHAAAA" is...well, weird.
I get around it because to me, it isn't slash. I do not seriously RPS anyone outside of Tuti/Nagayan and Eiji/Daiki. Period. There are a few pairings I look at and think, "Well I think they could be cute together if anything ever happened," or, "Something seemed like it was happening before, but...not so much now. Don't have any interest," and that's it.
But for these two pairings it is a completely different matter: it's not RPS. Not to me. It's just looking at these men who are very, very close over a long period of time, noticing their quirks and habits that you're only privy to because they're not super famous, and realizing that there's a pattern to this, a familiar one, that says they care about each other--or are infatuated, or have big heaping mancrushes--and that, to me, is all it is. My view of where I stand in this fandom is based entirely on: I am simply observing a real life relationship between two guys. Who happen to be smalltime actors in a city with a population of nearly 13,000,000 people (and come on, they're theatre guys--when you think about it, it's not like it'd be unprecedented).
I'm not slashing. I don't look for magazine articles and "squee" when I see someone's hand on someone else's shoulder. I don't pee my pants because X said, "Y's such a great actor." Being here in this country, in this city, being able to see these men interact in real life on and away from the stage, it's a completely different experience (especially the "away from the stage" thing). I simply stumbled across these men who happen to be involved with one another in some form or another, and after years of observing, I gotta say it's only getting harder for me to deny it. Or understand how others can't see it.
2) Others I've seen have just...fallen out of love with fandom. Whether you used to be really, heavily involved, or you were a big presence in fandom in one respect or another, I've seen so many of my friends in these fandoms just completely disappear or move on. I'm biased, I know: I'm too close to understand how anyone could get OUT of this fandom, when I am daily sucked in even further.
But do you have any idea how lonely it is being a fandom of one? Or ten? (well, many of you understand that feeling, I'm sure :P) It sucks. And even more so, it sucks putting in your all into a fandom when nothing ever comes back from it, no one ever responds to your contributions, or cares, or the response you get is a negative one. Seeing people falling out of love with a fandom I am still putting my entire self into 120% is possibly one of the most depressing things I've ever experienced (stfu, I've had a good life...).
I know real life comes first, I know sometimes school or a job hunt gets the better of us, and before we know it it's been 3 months since we last posted. For others, the spark that intrigued us about a fandom dies: some people only saw and cared about Tuti/Nagayan as the Golden Pair (which is a horrible shame, IMHO--those are the RPSers who squick me; the ones who can only see the actors for their characters), some people don't have the time or energy to follow them outside of their big productions like BuriMyu, so with that over they're pretty much done.
For me, fandom's my life right now. I came to Japan to see these guys perform in person, to be able to interact with them to some extent, to get more involved in this theatre scene because I really, honestly enjoy it. I love all these guys completely apart from any shipping tendencies I may have. I would love *pnish* just as much even if I wasn't completely bowled over by Eiji's and Daiki's incessant flirting or wish to kidnap Tuti and make him my English student (Wasshi, I love you too!). I cannot think of anywhere else I'd rather be right now than gearing up to go to another show or event or drop by Gain or go to a street live or sing myu songs at karaoke with my friends. Fandom and real life have fused perfectly for me right now, and I'm really happy with the way my life's going.
Yet all around me I see people get bored with fandom, get squicked by fandom after seeing the guys in person (which baffles me--unless you've been looking in the wrong places this entire time, this particular fandom has only gotten more and more obvious as the days go on. HappyPani, hello?), or just get disconnected for one reason or another and never bother coming back. And I miss each and every one of you who do that, but feel tired of trying to get people re-interested in this fandom.
I miss the days from only a couple of years ago when we'd spend hours in Lube Chat (with the old standbys too, not the "New Lube Chat"--even though that's of course fun ^_~) talking about anything and everything fandom related, having the most awesome time while everyone was at work or home or putting off going to bed or just waking up in the morning.
I've given this fandom my all for years now, translating and seeking out information and reports, writing long meta posts and reports that no one really seems to care about save the same few people every time.
pnish is all but dead; the only people who post there now are people wanting to know where to download stuff or people wanting to sell stuff. morixdaiki is never going to take off, because if people haven't gotten into it now with everything I and others have done for this ship, they aren't going to (which pisses me off--sometimes I feel like TxN is Silver Pair and Eiji/Daiki is Golden Pair; I love both, but all the love and attention the former gets while the latter gets shafted sometimes makes me hate it almost). Yet still I sit here thinking, "Well I could do X or Y and THAT would get people interested!" Usually something along the lines of translating/subbing shows. Logic tells me that more people would be into *pnish* if they knew what they were saying--people are into TeniMyu in large part because they know TeniPuri already and there's very little confusion as to what's going on (also: hot young men). *pnish* stuff is all original and no one knows what's going on unless I write up one of my ASS LONG REPORTS on it. And even then, no one can REALLY care about it until they SEE it. If stuff were subbed, people might express more interest at least in the group. I dunno.
This rant's gotten really long, and I'm going to bet most people won't make it all the way down here; I just needed some time to get this out of my system. It'll probably be ignored to some extent, in which case nothing will be solved and in another few months I'll probably make another one of these. Whatever. At least I feel somewhat better now.
If it wasn't entirely obvious from that sticky post at the top of my LJ, I live in Japan, I go to *pnish* and Nagayan-related shows, and I am quite a vocal shipper of...certain ships.
Should you spend any amount of time with me online, this will be quite obvious. However, I am more than aware that it's not everyone's cup of tea, and I am most definitely not about to "push it" on anyone not open to it.
You want to talk about TeniPuri? Excellent, let's rant and rave ♥
You want to talk about TeniMyu? Awesome, just know I luuuuuv me some first cast and am not afraid to show it :D
You want to talk about BuriMyu? Sweet, it's been one of the most fun shows I've seen this whole time--but be aware that I don't like Bleach XD Like, at all XDDDDD
You want to talk about *pnish*? Cool beans! I am always glad to point people in the right direction for blogs and tickets, and even more thrilled to talk about the guys and their shows, give you a rundown on what makes them tick, talk about their relationships with each other and who met whom where and when (that's not stalking, that's being well-informed! :P), I know *pnish*, as well as it's possible for someone from another country not friends with them to know them :D
You don't want to talk about shipping though? Great. We don't have to. We don't have to mention a word, we can talk about any of the above topics or anything else not RPS-related whatsoever.
I will absolutely not push my beliefs on anyone--whether it's shipping or proselytizing or anything; I believe more in a "teach by showing" methodology anyways. So just to get it out of the way: yes. I'm one of those fans. But I'm not going to sit you down and go, "omg look how they're staring at each other here" in the middle of an otherwise enjoyable conversation.
Now, if you WANT to be "preached" to, I'm of course more than happy to oblige in what I hope would be an acceptable fashion :D And if we go to a *pnish* event together, you may have to ignore my occasional snickering or lip-biting-to-avoid-making-a-scene (I KID. Mostly), but seriously, I'm a *pnish* and Nagayan fan first, a shipper second (CLOSE SECOND, but second), and I love all these guys for themselves and their craft far more than for any relationships they may have with one another.
Just wanted to make that clear.
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no subject
Date: 2008-10-03 12:08 pm (UTC)I never really contribute anything to the fandom and only taking and reading what's there.
moreover this year has been really hectic for me. so I haven't been on lj or ym much.
I remember last year I was really hyped up and wanted to draw a fan pic for TxN for their 3rd 'child'. the fandom was a great part of my life at that time.
but now, since the beginning of this year, there's just too much thing to do T-T. and school's internet doesn't let me connect to YM.
I miss my fandom!!! I miss chatting and rp-ing on YM with TxN fans from Indonesia. and I also miss the lube chat. I remember my first lube chat.. it was a lesson on writting echi XD that was so much fun!! and then we all watching together pnish treasure box (if I'm not wrong) and talk about it.