fencer_x | Well, this is what LJ is for, yes?

So, I'm going to make my first LJ-esque rant, and pray to God that my parents don't find this, because I'll feel reall bad if they do.

Some of you may have heard from me that I'm not gonna be in Shreveport this summere (big surprise, a LOT of us are going out of city/state for summer jobs). What you may not have known was what the job entailed: it was probably going to be volunteer work (because room and board were provided) in southern California for most of the summer doing field work with a group on Barn Owls. The latter half of the summer I'd spend holed up in a lab running all sorts of tests on blood and egg samples, blah blah blah.

In short--my DREAM JOB. Not the kind of job you do for good money (heck, ANY money), but the kind of job where you wake up excited every day because you LOVE your job and are so grateful you get to do for a living something you truly enjoy.

I learned I was going to have this job early last semester (September). Today is Monday February 7, 2005, and it's pretty much shaping up to be the worst day of my life so far.

My father called me at 9:30 this morning, telling me in excited tones about a 3 month (89 days, actually, but I'll bet it feels like 90!) job opening this summer at GM (the General Motors plant) that my uncle found out about (he works there), and the salary would be ~$15 an hour--a good 2.5 times the amount I was making at LSUHSC last summer. I kind of nodded and listened to what he had to say, then reminded him that I already had a job lined up for this summer in Cali, remember? He said he did, but it was a lot of money. I repeated that I ALREADY had a job this summer that was infinitely moroe enjoyable than the one he spoke of, and while I was grateful to my uncle for thinking of me when he came across it, I was already committed to the Cali job.

I hung up with him, and 15 minutes later my mother calls. Same spiel, asks me to reconsider, and then here it comes: "Well, how were you going to get out to California, Courtney?"

...Excuse me? Umm, now, I don't mean to sound like a spoiled brat but...you people are my PARENTS. I kinda expected YOU to pay, or at least HELP me pay. They were SO excited when I told them about this opportunity back in September...why the sudden change?! I mean, my father has literally gone to Cali THREE times already this year! THREE! That's almost $1000, and AFAIK he didn't really have any reason he NEEDED to leave, it was just to visit family.

Guilt Trip #1: "We can't afford to send you out there."

I said I'd think about it--I mean, $15 an hour IS a lot of money, and maybe one summer of desk work wouldn't be so bad, you know? So I called my dad back and asked him when the job started, what I'd be doing and all, and he didn't know. Then it came:

Guilt Trip #2: "It's an awful lot of money, Courtney...and we just don't want to have to worry, 'Will she be able to afford such and such expense while she's at school?'"

...What the HELL? What are we, like, almost BANKRUPT?! I'm doing just fine on my summer/winter earnings, thank you very much. *I*'m not worried about me financially, why are YOU?! This just pissed me off and made me more frustrated, so I called my uncle himself to get details.

...God I wish I hadn't done that. I wish I'd just said yes, then come June I could've found out what I'd be doing.

Assembly Line Work.

Yes, THAT kind of assembly line work. The kind they could feed monkey's bananas to do, but instead pay poor college students $15 and hour to do.

There is nothing MORE frustrating in the world, than to see your dreams just kinda crumble in front of you. I could have taken my first step towards my future this June. And yet I'm going to be sitting in cesspool!Shreveport doing blue collar work for more money than I got curing cancer.

How deliciously ironic.

Now, I feel absolutely horrible that I'm not thrilled at this opportunity. What college student wouldn't be dancing in the streets at getting a job that's THIS easy just THROWN at them, for more money than they could possibly hope to earn on the norm? Really?

Well, apparently ME. I don't WANT an easy job. I don't WANT a high paying job unless I LIKE it! I want to have FUN, I want to do what *I* want to do, because *I*'m the one who has to live my life and pay my bills and crap like that, and DAMMIT I'm about to start crying again.

It's 1:45 PM now, I've been crying on and off since this morning. It's mostly stopped now, and kind of descended into a quiet rage that I can't take out on anyone or anything because everyone I want to be mad at is 4 hours away and yelling over the phone is not my thing.

And dammit, I have an O-Chem test this evening that I haven't even begun to study for. I'm so screwed, but right now, I don't really care. I plan to buy the biggest, prettiest, shiniest laptop I can afford as soon as possible this summer--which should take about 2 weeks of work, apparently.

Then I will sit on my ass in front of it the whole summer, and talk to you people, because Amy will be having a blast at her St. Jude lab--not in S'port, Chanelle will be having a blast (ok, don't laugh) at summer school--not in S'port, Brandy will be having a blast (again, don't laugh) at summer camp--not in S'port, Fred will...umm, I dunno, but--not in S'port. And I will be at my dream job in Cal--oh, wait, nevermind. I'll still be in S'port.

*sigh* That makes me feel only slightly better.