GUYS:

[fencer_x]

Mmmk, a question for all the straight men on my flist (that's...what, 2?). Ladies, if you can get some straight man you know's opinion on this too, comment away, I'm just curious.

How many of you (straight men, that is), are friends (and not just casual friends--say, spend a good bit of time and go out in a group or otherwise) with a gay guy? If you're not friends with, what about in a work environment? Are any of your coworkers gay (that you know of)? How do other straight men around you treat them? Any different? Are they uncomfortable around them, or very accepting?

This is mostly just me being curious; I'm female anyways, and only have one gay friend, who I see on holidays and crap, so I don't exactly interact with him a lot anyways. TALK TO ME PEOPLE. ♥

Comments

[zach99998.livejournal.com]

I'm posting under the assumption that I am heterosexual.

I have no gay friends that go further than "casual" friends. None in my work environment. Here at Emory you are accepting of gay people whether you like it or not.

[shaggydizbot101.livejournal.com]

Besides him, I'm probably the only other one on the list. Therefore...

I don't have any gay friends I believe. As for co-workers, there is speculation, but I really haven't followed through on it. None of my business, ya know?

[rhymed.livejournal.com]

Of the whopping 4 guys I hung out with in high school, one was gay, the other three WERE straight (one has just come out to a few of us to say that he's bi) and were just as cool with him as they were with each other, and actively hung out with the gay guy, even outside of outings as an entire group of friends.
2 of the straight guys didn't even mind when literally ALL the girls in our group of friends (including one guy's girlfriend) slashed them in various pairings. ^^

[fencer-x.livejournal.com]

Just curious: how long had you all been friends? And was it just the one gay guy when you started hanging out? Or did he come out later?

[rhymed.livejournal.com]

We'd all been friends for about 3 years when we started hanging out with the gay guy - a mutual friend of several people in our "group, whom most of us started hanging out after we already knew he was gay.

here

[zach99998.livejournal.com]

I do have an acquaintence, we are on a first name basis, took philosophy courses together:



Article:

http://www.time.com/time/archive/preview/0,10987,1112856,00.html

Re: here

[aubergineautumn.livejournal.com]

I'm 33, and my interaction with gay men has been both positive and bad.

Positive:
When I first moved to NYC, I started a job there while my husband finished school elsewhere. I lived in a Chelsea hostel (very noisy) for 3 weeks before I found an apartment. One lonely night I wandered into a Chelsea bar by myself. I had been in NYC 3 days, and...I was just really lonely. A really nice gay hair dresser brought me drinks and listened to my sob story. I really think this was quite extraordinary; we really didn't have much in common, and yet he went out of his way to make me feel better.

Negative:
I don't have a lot of sympathy for guys "coming out" if they were dating women or married. I'm not talking about the early teen years, I'm talking about 17 & onwards. These guys are just selfish, it's not that they really have a problem with finding their sexual identity, they are just tremendously afraid of facing the consequence of their decision. So they try to find the best of both worlds, robbing the women they are with of the opportunity to be with someone that appreciates every aspect of the women's sexuality and identity. They also wreck her self confidence and self-worth, and if married, squander her youth by making her stay with someone who lies to her & robs of her the opportunity of finding real happiness. It gets worse if there are children, because now the gay guy has taken away her right to chose to procreate with someone who can fulfill ALL aspects of a married life (including the emotional and sexual needs of the woman). The children suffer emotional damage, not really because of the fact that the guy is gay so much as the fact that the father broke trust and lied. He isn't the same person he held himself out to be. Now he is a liar, and a liar is someone it is hard to bond with.

If I sound bitter, it is because so many of my female friends have gone through this, and it really emotionally devastated them.

I fully support gay marriage and being gay in general. I hope that it becomes more acceptable to be gay, both for the gay guys themselves, and the women they use to camouflage themself with.

The other issue I have with gays is how very effeminate guys will "swish" & in general perform a parody of womanly attributes. As a woman, this really offends me. For those who don't get it- think what would happen if gays dressed up in black face and did a parody of African Americans. No, neither goes over very well.

As for work, when I was in NYC, there were several guys I worked with that I was pretty sure were gay, and everyone treated them exactly the same as everyone else. Maybe it was because it was a big city, maybe it was the anti-discrimination lawsuits that would been filed otherwise, maybe it was because the guys were nice & people always respond well to someone who treats them nice.

Also, I have noticed that gay guys who are out are more chivalrous in attitude towards women than men in general, and more friendly overall. Maybe it's because they have experienced discrimination themselves, I'm not sure.

I really hope that this trend of acknowledging who you are earlier in life continues. It's healthy, and it's better for everyone involved. Life isn't easy, and there will always be problems, but making other people part of the issues you are going through isn't acceptable. It is easier to treat a person with respect if he respects himself, and it is easier for both you and the people around you to treat you with respect if you don't lie. No one can respect a liar.

So, be proud, be gay, be honest!

Re: here

[fencer-x.livejournal.com]

Whoa--thanks for the input! (Though I am curious--how's you happen to stumble across this entry? I was just randomly pondering this a few weeks ago o_O)

I'm most interested in your comments at the end on how homosexual males were treated in your workplace (I'm assuming you're female here :P). Being raised in conservative south in an equally conservative household, gay people are something like zoo animals--"Ooh, look mommy! That man's kissing another! Can I feed it?" You jsut don't see that many. Or maybe that's just me *shrugs*

But I'm always interested in people's ways of thinking, how sexuality is perceived in our culture and all. People can talk high and mighty, but when it comes down to it sometimes you just can't back it up.

Thanks again for your input!

Re: here

[aubergineautumn.livejournal.com]

Well, I lived in Texas for the first 25 years of my life, so...and Texas is huge, bigger than most nations. What part of Texas you came from influenced how you thought. There is Laredo (border town), Dallas (like NYC, having or not having money makes a huge difference), Fort Worth (military & other fringe groups), San Antonio (Hispanic), & Austin (Liberal Paradise). I am from Austin, so most people there could care less if you were gay or not (there are direct flights to San Fran).

I think you are searching for "how gays get treated differently," but the truth is it is less important in liberal or metropolitan areas along the coast.

However. In religious or small communities....I can't say the same. I live in CO now, and...gay people are definitely not as prominently out as I am use to seeing. In CO, I think a policy of don't ask, don't tell is more a way of life here.

I think I have given you more real life examples than you realize- when women go through these kind of experiences, they also go to work, where they talk to other women about what happened. Also, they talk about gay lifestyles & their sons, how they worry about their sons' health & happiness. Most gay guys don't talk about their gay lifestyles at work; most MEN don't talk about relationships at work, while women will. I mean, you know your fellow co-workers are gay by passing incidences or inferences, but it usually doesn't matter because people are so work oriented. Yes, NYC is hugely competitive in comparison to any other place in the U.S. I have been. Gay...is of passing interest. Everyone only wants the employee who is social & produces high quality work. Nothing else matters.

The other thing is...I know at least 2 guys that are not 100% heterosexual, but haven't come out & don't participate at all in the gay community because the lifestyle can be quite promiscuous, bar driven, & drug related. They surf the internet instead. I think if some of the stigma of being gay were removed, and a healthier gay scene was available, more people would want to participate.

As for how I got here, *grins* I have a request. I hear you scanalated the extra of loveless. I can't find a link to it (I want my own copy). Could you please e-mail it to me? Thanks so much!
aubergineonautumn@hotmail.com