"Lamb," by Christopher Moore

[fencer_x]

[NOTE: Keep in mind as you read the following excerpt, "Joshua" is Jesus]

"Hey Josh," I said. "Balthasar sodomizing you?"

"No!"

"Vice versa?"

"Absolutely not!"

"You get the feeling he'd like to?"

He was quiet for a second, then he said, "He's been very attentive lately. And he giggles at everthing I say, why?"

"Because Joy says it's not good if he falls in love with you."

"Well, it's not if he's expecting any sodomizing, I'll tell you that. That's going to be one disappointed magus."

"No, worse than that. She won't tell me what, but it's really, really bad."

"Biff, I realize you may not think so, but from my way of thinking sodomizing the Son of God is really, really bad."

"Good point. But I think she means something to do with whatever is behind the iron door. Until I find out, you have to keep Balthasar from falling in love with you."

"I'll bet he was myrrh," said Josh. "Bastard, he brings the cheapest gift and now he wants to sodomize me. My mother told me the myrrh went bad after a week, too."

Did I mention that Joshua was not a myrrh fan?

This is the best book ever, people ♥

Comments

[reppu.livejournal.com]

WTF is that? A book? For I shall be reading it like, NOW. This was so stupidly funny that I had to read it twice to make sure it was real. ♥

[fencer-x.livejournal.com]

XDDDDD It's from this (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380813815/sr=8-1/qid=1154565664/ref=pd_bbs_1/002-3109797-1461642?ie=UTF8) book a guy at work let me borrow, AND IT IS HILARIOUS. It's SO wrong at times (ok, a LOT XD) but it's so worth it ♥ Here, have more crack--a song the guy whose POV this is in makes up in reflecting on the fact that none of the characters in the Wizard of Oz had penises:

"Oh, I would while away the hours,
Wanking in the flowers, my heart all fullk of song,
I'd be gilding all the lilies as I waved about my willie
If I only had a schlong"

[slave2haldir.livejournal.com]

I read that book a few years ago. Good shit. XD


"You're unclean, you know?"
"Yeah, I'm getting all wrinkly from purifying myself."


Justus let his sword fall to his side with a sigh. "Go home. All of you. By order of Gaius Justus Gallicus, under-commander of the Sixth Legion, commander of the Third and Fourth Centuries, under authority of Emperor Tiberius and the Roman Empire, you are all commanded to go home and perpetrate no weird shit until I have gotten well drunk and had several days to sleep it off."

[pamuya.livejournal.com]

i am so getting that book