How to waste an afternoon and laugh your ass off

Step One: Have already read at least the first Harry Potter book, and seen the movie (or at least seen the movie), so as to retain some familiarity with the characters.

Step Two: Go here and watch Wizard People, Dear Readers (first two "chapters" compiled into one video--you can continue watching the rest of the movie at "chapter" 3 here)

Step Three: ??????

Step Four: PROFIT!

Wizard People, Dear Readers is a fake "audio book" version of the first Harry Potter book, retold in a way that parodies the original with HILARIOUS results. By hilarious I mean, "I had to stop watching ever five minutes to catch my breath from laughing so hard," hilarious XD

Some fun lines include:

[When the students arrive at Hogwarts...]: "Finally, the moment of truth! The God Wheel of Fate has stopped for all these kiddies on Yes, Yes In-Fucking-Deed, You Will Be a Wizard! And this moment is the first in a series of moments that, no matter what feelings those moments embody, Yes, Yes is still the answer. Yes to life, and Yes to magic!"

[At the opening feast...]: "Dumbledore casts his Stand-Without-Effort Spell, following it up with his most pleasing Food-of-Plenty Spell. If ever a room full of children has looked like little hyenas that have come upon a dead family of zebras, it is now. "

[Quidditch match when Harry catches the Snitch in his mouth...]: "Like a viper, Harry used his voracious mouth as his catcher. He’s got that Snitch in his animal belly, and Pop! it is out! They’ve won! One hundred thousand points for fucking Gryffindor! The crowd goes absolutely bazonkers!"

Etc etc~ The thing is narrated in such a weird voice, it automatically makes things ten times funnier by default. And equally great, it synchs up with the movie--as you can see from that youtube clip--so you can rewatch the movie with a funnier audio track :D

Not up to watching the whole thing and prefer a transcript? You're in luck!

I really recommend at least watching that first Youtube clip XDDDDD Hell, if you HATED Harry Potter watch it--it completely makes fun of Rowling's prose, using overdone flowery language and a health peppering of, "I'M HARRY FUCKING POTTER!" grandstanding ♥ You should enjoy it >)

No one can escape Leader's demanding pout!!

Is that BESSHI in the background???

Poor guy, he doesn't even get to be in this production and he still has to go and help out or else he cannot bear to be away from Tecchan's side for EVEN A MOMENT no I don't ship them I swear >_> >_> >_>

GANBARE, BECCHIN!

*ANGER RISING BLARGH*

DO NOT WAAAAAAANT DDDDDDD:

...................but will inevitably end up buying it anyways >_>

My only consolation: At least it's a TRIPLE collab, with Gain in there, too. I mean really, what is this world coming to when barely a month after the 3rd child has come into this world NAGAYAN'S OFF COLLABORATING WITH GAKU'S SUCKY BRAND?

WTF kind of brand name is KUK anyways? A STUPID ONE THAT'S IT.

sooooooo Tokyo girls who have Saturdays off :DDDDDD we should talk :D :D :D

ETA: GODDAMMIT I DIDN'T READ THE WHOLE ENTRY.

SO. Apparently they've named their little random-street-live-having-unit "Anten." WHY. Something to do with "ari" (Japanese for "ant"--and you can see little ants on the t-shirt. I say it's because there are people in it I WANT TO STEP ON >_>)

Also: 発売当日も、デザイナーが来るとか来ないとか！ <--"The designers may or may not come on the day it goes on sale!"

GODDAMMIT ARGH. I DON'T WANT TO GO.